Being a daughter of a mother that was terminally ill, I learned things from her in the unconventional way. Her words weren't spoken, as she could no longer speak. The name Diana did not ring a bell to her, even though I was the youngest of her four children. Spinocerebellar Ataxia, a terminal illness, took every function she used to boast and squashed it. My mother was 26 when she was diagnosed, six months after she had me. Without her physical ability to parent, and care providing taking a toll on our family, and the farm, she was moved into permanent care when I was eight.


I have a very vivid memory of when I was four years old and could not turn off the water in the bathroom after washing my hands. Fear struck inside until I was rescued by my mother, or so I thought. She went to turn it off and we soon realized she could not do it either. I distinctly remember cuddling up on the floor, in my mother's shaky arms, and both of us crying; me crying fearing a bathroom flood, my mother crying for her life not being hers anymore.


When you grow up this way, it is amazing the amount of compassion you have for others strife. I am proud that thru my mom's illness I learned how to walk in when times are hard for others, instead of walking out. My mom's illness taught me to take life one day at a time; to not overreact at the slightest imperfections, for life is full of beauty if you stop seeking perfection. I learned love isn't just shown through physical action or words, but through our spirit, our presence.


Unfortunately, our tragedy was not at its end. At the age of 26, my older sister was also diagnosed with this rare brain atrophy, leaving my two older brothers and I completely untouched by the illness physically, but changed forever. Being the only female in my family NOT to have this catastrophe of a disease, I am constantly reminded how lucky I am to have the chance to parent my own daughters, a chance my mother never got with her own children.


Lessons learned from a mother, healthy or otherwise, will always carry our hearts, our souls, throughout our lives. While I learned to live with the absence of my mother, I never realized until I was mother myself, the impact her silence, her love, her illness made on my life I, for one, I am very grateful for my amazing mother, may she rest in peace.